One man’s meat is another man’s poison

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Why we dont like that friend of our friend?

If we know person’s socio type we can predict his relationships with other types. Its not as difficult once you know Socionics and you can do it too. As I mentioned briefly before there are 16 socio types and 16 relationship patterns between those types. Relationships vary from “perfect match” (known as “Duality” in Socionics) to – in my opinion most challenging ones – “Supervision”. So the thing is, as long as your socio types are different with another person, you will perceive people differently. I give you my own examples:

  1. If I was to find a man who would be my Perfect Match my mom would never, ever, ever find a common language with him because for her the relationship to him would be “Supervision” what I called the most challenging ones. Most probably she would tell me how horrible he was, how miserable and hopeless she felt next to him and obviously because he made her so uncomfortable I wouldn’t be able to imagine him becoming a part of the family.
  2.  In the same Supervision relationship is my husband with one friend of mine. They don’t appreciate each other, each of them doesn’t understand how I can be with another one and once they even had a fight – classical scenario, I should have foreseen that. For me, however, the relationships with each of them are equally good from personal and Socionics point of view.

I apologize for giving negative examples. I decided that negative would be more obvious, cause “good” relationships are like 50 shades of good. But once you hate someone its pretty much black and white, isn’t it?

Now how to deal with that?

  • Understand that due to your socio type you are only able to see a certain side of a person, while someone else can see another side:

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In this picture orange square and blue circle on the walls are perspectives of 2 different people (A and B) looking at the same person N. While N has much bigger and more complex personality, due to the angle limitations A and B are only able to see a part of  N. Because from their angle thats all they can see, they have a right to state that what they see is true. None can see the Truth, hence no one of them can judge clearly.

 

  • Don’t fight it. We can not control feelings and can not order ourselves to have a certain opinion unless we genuinely have it. It’s perfectly OK not to like someone. Reduce the communication to minimum and you shall be fine.
  • Listen to your own judgment when it comes to personal likes and dislikes. Remember: one man’s meat is another man’s poison.

In a difficult situation think who is more important to you and stick with that person. In the end of the day its your choice and your life to live, choose your people carefully.

Peace and Love =)

 

PS: I am working on sharing some materials in Socionics menu option on top of the page. All the types, relationships etc I will describe there so it easily accessible at all times. Its still work in progress but something is already there, have a look. Comment if any particular topic interests you – I will write about it!

image: susandunn.cc

 

Socionics. Intro

Point of View

In this blog I am talking about Socionics. Here is what it is and what you personally can get out of it.

Socionics is a study about informational metabolism: the way each of us perceives and processes different types of information. It’s not about intellectual abilities. It studies the phenomenon that one person can absorb certain type of information easily and with interest and some other type of information is perceived as unpleasant and is very difficult to learn. While this is true for one, the same types of information can be regarded totally differently by another person.

You surely noticed that there are certain people you like and get along with easily and certain type of people you can’t stand. Its not a coincidence. Socionics distinguishes 16 types of people (according to their way of processing the information) and all of them have a certain patterns of relationships with each other. Some people we can choose to be close with or vice versa to stay away from them, but there are some people who are hard to avoid. Our parents and children are number one example. Annoying colleague at work or a neighbor can be another one. You name it, we often need to compromise. Many arguments happen because one assumes that if something is clear to him it should be clear to everyone else. Its a wrong assumption and it happens not because people what to hurt each other or are being stupid. It happens because they perceive information differently.

Socionics helps to see how other people are different and gives a tool to improve communication. It answers why some things which are ordinary to you can be sensitive for others. It is also a great tool for self development as it can be your guide to identify and foster the strengths of your personality, as well as to be aware of and protect the weaknesses.

In this blog you can find more information about how to make use of Socionics in daily life and tips on applying this knowledge to improve relationships.

 

Can we plan not to plan?

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There are 2 types of people: those who make plans and those who make it (or screw it up) all last minute. Which type are you and, more importantly, how to survive a relationship if your partner is a complete opposite?

In socionics these 2 types of people are called Rationals and Irrationals and I am going to explain what exactly differs one from another. First of all lets establish that every person plans big things. Like a wedding, moving the house, etc. In the same time we are all known for occasional spontaneous behavior: you just get enough or suddenly decide something and – boom! To understand whether you are Rational or Irrational type, answer 3 questions:

  1. Are you more comfortable or productive when you have a reasonable schedule at work which you have to stick to? (Lets say you have to work from 10 to 6 and if you are done earlier you can leave at 5)
  2. Its Thursday. Do you know what are you doing this weekend?
  3. When you have a big project to accomplish, do you feel more comfortable and productive having deadlines for each stage of that project rather than having 1 deadline when everything has to be done?

If you answer 2 or 3 times Yes – you are most probably Rational type. If No – Irrational.

So the thing is: Rationals need to have a plan and Irrationals cannot have it to save their life. They are much more comfortable to act on the go, according to the situation. Rationals will stick to the plan and if it has to be – they will change the goal. For Irrationals changing the goal is uncomfortable and its easier to change the approach.

In the beginning of relationship you dont pay attention to it, but with time a couple (or business partners or whoever these people are to each other) becomes uncomfortable. One person feels unstable and insecure about future because another one keeps changing the agreements or even refuses to make them saying something like: “Lets just do it and then we will see how”. In the same time another person feels framed and thinks the first one is boring and limited with all his questions like: “Where shall we go for vacation next year?” or “Lets put together the development plan for our business for the next 6 months.” In life those two can be perceived by each other as being stubborn and not flexible. It can be frustrating, but its not the end of the world and actually can be dealt with. This is how.

Step 1:  Admit the difference and understand that another person is not doing it to annoy you, thats the way his mind works, thats all. You may also explain it to your partner, so you are both aware.

Step 2: a) If you a Rational, have a Plan B. And may be C =)  You most probably have it anyways. I would advice not to share your Plan B with your Irrational, cause having 2 different plans can drive him crazy 2 times faster :) Keep it to yourself.

You can also share responsibilities and set the goal (For example: We need to host a dinner. I will be responsible for invitations, entertainment and beverages and you will take care of food. Dinner is on Saturday at 6pm). You need to set the goal though, cause he will less likely change the goal (thats the nature of Irrationals) so he will do his part anyways. Just close your eyes on how he does it and let him deal with his part in his own way. Focus on planning your part.

b) If you are Irrational and you are pushed to plan your actions in future. Say “Ok, I agree to plan. What do you think we should do?” Trust me, before coming to you Rational already had an idea, so you just need to listen. Then say: “Sounds good, let me think what I can add and I will get back to you by next Monday?” You inform him that you will add (read: change) something, so he won’t be too upset when you come up with totally different ideas because both of you PLANNED to add something (get my point? ;)

You can also tell him: “Can we plan not to plan?” It works with small things like what to do this weekend. It sounds funny at first, but indeed it will make him more comfortable rather that you arguing with his plans.

Step 3: Give in from time to time. Not all the time, cause that will depress you, but lets say once a week. Or every 5th time you plan something – its up to you. Rationals: Sky will not fall. Somehow your Irrational has survived until now and he is actually successful in what he does, so sit back, relax and plan something which doesn’t involve him in your head (like to make a pie next week or to make a presentation at work).  Irrationals: Just go with it. Your rational has everything planned and foreseen, and he feels awesome when you agree to follow his plan. Take it as a moment of rest and enjoy things being done for you.

 

What is happy for you?

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Whenever I am asked to make a wish I normally wish to be happy. For me its a symbiosis of all the rest what I want for myself: to be in good health, being able to buy what I want, to love and to be loved, live in pleasant environment, being surrounded by great people. I have it all. According to my own definition I am happy. …But am I?

Recently a chain of discoveries brought me to understanding of what was missing. Something which I have never thought could play a big role in my personal, self-centered life. I realized I wanted to contribute to other people’s happiness; not only to those who knew me, but others, who I could share my knowledge with and hence improve their lives.

I started to study Socionics 5 years ago. My goal was straightforward and management oriented: I wanted to get tools of motivation for different people. In the process of studies Socionics revealed much wider spectrum of use. Socionics helped me to understand why people are different, how are they different, how to value their strengths and respect the weaknesses. Most of all, it gave me comfort of choosing “my people” to be connected with, appreciation for others and wisdom not to tilt at windmills by trying to change either of them.

In this blog I would like to share my knowledge with you.

I would like it to be interactive and live, please ask questions, comment and speak your mind.

I’m looking forward to this great experience!