Protect yourself. But do they really attack?


-“You eat a lot!”   …BOOM!… he said it. My head got completely empty and I felt like each ear got covered with an empty glass. All I could hear was that dull ringing sound of vacuum filling my head. I stared at him waiting for some other words, something else I could grab on and continue a conversation. But there was nothing. Ha stared back at me most probably wondering what was wrong.

In fact, he didn’t say anything wrong. I was eating a lot, and it was fine. But he hit my “Painful spot” (PoLR) with precision. This is how it feels. Absolutely innocent comment, not even criticism makes you feel lost and helpless like a fish thrown out of water. In my previous post I promised to share how to deal with that, so here we go:

  1. Accept that people don’t have a purpose to hurt you in 90% of the time, they are just being themselves and they are different from you. Nobody is attacking you, even if it feels like they do. They don’t mean it.
  2. Don’t fire back. Our first reaction naturally will be to defend ourselves by counterstrike. Remember the point #1 and react how you would react if it wasn’t an attack. It will take time to master so don’t kill yourself when you fail, it’s a really touch skill to acquire.
  3. Your mind is very smart. It will protect you and most of the times you won’t provoke discussions on painful subject, cause your mind won’t let you. So do yourself a favor and avoid getting into situations where the subject is the main topic of the event (no cooking shows for me;)
  4. At last I have to mention: be sure that this is your PoLR. Sometimes people say something offensive but if you don’t feel like I described (vacuum in your head and inability to come up with a feedback) thats not PoLR.

So now when we discussed how to act in these frustrating situations, let’s talk about how to train yourself not to get hurt – thats more interesting isn’t it? :)  As we already know it is not easy to study a subject of your PoLR, however in small doses you can train yourself and you can strengthen yourself. The first step is to become aware of what your weakness is. Once you become aware you can control the informational intake on the subject as well as you can be more tolerant to others when they accidentally hurt you because truly it’s not their fault: it’s just the way your mind works against the way their mind works and there is nothing wrong with either of them. To do become aware you need to identify your personality type, and – sorry:) – the bad news is: it’s very difficult to do that by yourself and I will explain why later. In the meantime the good news is that I have a little surprise for you. I will help you to find out your type! I will share all the details in my next post so if you’re interested to learn more about yourself stay tuned!



Choosing a pillow: Sensory VS Intuition


Let me tell you how you can recognize a weak Sensory function in daily life, a case which I observed a few days ago. I happened to be in a big departments store and there was a couple who was choosing pillows. A man came to a stand with pillows, touched a few, took 2, tried and said: “Im taking this one”. Finished. This illustrates a strong White Sensorial (Si) function for us: person knows exactly whether he is comfortable, if not – knows how to make himself comfortable and he knows exaclty how it should feel.

The lady was different. She came to the stand with pillows and took 3. She went to the nearest bed and tried all one by one. After she finished trying the 3rd one she went back to first one. Tossed and turned a bit. Then she took the second one, did the same and then the third one – again. She tried different positions: on the side, on her back, on another side… She looked uncertain and went back to the stand. She squeezed all pillows with her hands and chose 2 more to try. She tried them on the bed and then went for 3rd round of trying of the first three pillows. By that time a bunch of shop assistants started to accumulate around the bed watching her struggle. In the middle of her crisis she said quite loud: “I dont know which one is comfortable!” Her partner looked confused, like she was saying she didnt know how an apple looked like. She tried “shortlisted” 3 out of 5 fourth time. Then went down to 2 out of 5 and finally she said rather uncertainly: “Okaaay. I think this one”

She is a great illustration of behaviour of a person with White Sencorics (Si) in the Point of Least Resistance (PoLR) – the weakest and the most hopeless function of a person. By that function person cannot make a judgement unless its based on his own experience, cannot find a way out of an unusual situation and cannot really explain any matter regarding this field of knowledge (how she was desperately saying: “I dont know which one is comfortable!”).

We all have a PoLR, any of 16 aspects can be located in there, depending on the socio type. Normally this function is not verbal: means people don’t like to talk about it. In life it means that if person who didn’t study Socionics or psychology tells you that his weakest spot is N, most probably its in Mobilizing (6th) or Suggestive (5th) function, not PoLR – 5th and 6th functions are verbal: people know that they aren’t the best in those areas and they can voice it out.

Knowing one of functions – any – you can easily figure out the PoLR. Or you can always go pillow shopping ;)