ESE / The Enthusiast

The “distilled” version of this socio type is:

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Tigger =) This character describes The Enthusiast perfectly: he makes everyone smile (sometimes against their will), he is coordinated, and he is up for anything as long as its fun. Lets look closer.

 

 

 

 

Enthusiast sees the world and communicates to the world by expression of emotions. For Enthusiast it’s more important to let emotions out rather than to understand why they are being experienced in the first place. He doesn’t like to dwell, analyze and reflect. He likes to be happy and its all what matters for him. Of course, every human experiences emotions. However emotions what Enthusiast is able to feel are more differentiated than those of others. My friend who belongs to this type once was actually angry when her phone autocorrected her “hahahahaha” to “haha” because thats “…totally! Totally not what I meant!!!” =)))  Just like interior designer distinguishes 50 shades of turquoise, Enthusiast can describe and express his emotions with precision.

Have to be fair here and underline that the main emotion what Enthusiast lives for is happiness. They also like to ask people whether they are happy – just like that, no beating around the bush: “Are you happy?” They always see a ray of sunshine no matter what situation they are in. They don’t purposely look for it, they are just focused on positive stuff, naturally. Here is one of Enthusiast’s (adult… if this is ever applicable to Enthusiasts:) drawings which was done during an extremely boring, time wasting, nerve tapping activity that he had to sit through:

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While the picture itself would appear quite crude to some types, Enthusiast pictures shining sun, a birdie and a fluffy cloud. Like a perfect day, except of that guy hanging there. If he or people around him are unhappy, Enthusiast tries to fix it and for that he uses his creative function: White Sensory.

By his creative function Enthusiast is a great host. His house is clean and cosy, he cooks delicious meals and can provide you with comfort almost everywhere. He also has great control of his body, almost never breaks stuff  because he walked into it or swiped it while turning around. He can succeed in sports and can achieve more that other types particularly in sports which require balancing: like skateboarding, surfing, etc. No yoga or tightrope walking though – he needs a brisk one, he is be bored when asked to remain still.

Enthusiast likes to be perceived as a busy man. Sometimes he shows off by telling people how much stuff has he done, but in fact he doesn’t really like to work a lot, neither he thinks it is necessary. He can be quite irrational with money going from one extreme of saving on everything to another extreme of splurging on entertainment or something unnecessary. For the same reason (and one more which we will talk about below) a little stash of money saved for a rainy day always comforts him.

PoLR of Enthusiast is White Intuition. He feels insecure about time, timeliness, has a fear of being late or doing something in a wrong time. He cannot sense it so its an extremely painful struggle. Enthusiast prefers to come early if there is anything important and by “early” I mean 30 minutes early. He can unreasonably rush others, set weird deadlines (both under and over estimated), give irrational explanations about why he needs it to be done in that particular time. Another side of the same coin is that Enthusiast is anxious about unknown what may happen in future, feels lost in matters concerning death and all occult, esoteric stuff. Nevertheless he can show interest in mysteries and history. He won’t start a conversation or a dispute on those subjects though. As the function is very weak he can slowly accumulate information, but often cannot defend his point of view, hence he avoids any arguments.

What he loves to talk about is organizing (especially physical: like folders, charts, books according to the color of the cover :) and listening to people who can theorize (for example about politics, technology, systems, organizations etc). Enthusiast isn’t savvy here, but his interest in these subjects is bottomless. Given it is bottomless in both ways: it never ends and nothing really stays in for long =) He takes information without any critical check and is ready to accept anything others say, as long as they know better. And in this case, every other person knows better =)

Enthusiast likes everything unordinary, unrevealed, innovative and smart, whether that is an idea, a book, a person or anything else. He himself is not very inventive and he accepts this weakness. He consciously looks for people who are creative, have good imagination and ability to see covert properties of things so he can take that load off his shoulders.

Instinctively he builds good relationships with people. He hardly has enemies and is more inclined to having either good relationship with a person or no relationship at all. In moments when he feels that his interests are infringed, he tends to show people their place by defining their relationship to him, like: “Who are you to tell me that?” or “You are my family you have to be on my side” or “I am your mother!”  Enthusiast can be very opinionated in ethical questions, however he will hardly accept or tolerate criticism of ethical right and wrong of his own actions.

Enthusiast has a very strong personality. Although he rarely gets physically aggressive, he can easily stand up for minors or those who are being abused. This trait only surfaces in cases when others need his involvement. In his own life he cannot spoil relationship with people to the point where he needs to fight, as well as his ability to make anyone laugh when he needs them to helps him to come out with clean hands.

Protect yourself. But do they really attack?

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-“You eat a lot!”   …BOOM!… he said it. My head got completely empty and I felt like each ear got covered with an empty glass. All I could hear was that dull ringing sound of vacuum filling my head. I stared at him waiting for some other words, something else I could grab on and continue a conversation. But there was nothing. Ha stared back at me most probably wondering what was wrong.

In fact, he didn’t say anything wrong. I was eating a lot, and it was fine. But he hit my “Painful spot” (PoLR) with precision. This is how it feels. Absolutely innocent comment, not even criticism makes you feel lost and helpless like a fish thrown out of water. In my previous post I promised to share how to deal with that, so here we go:

  1. Accept that people don’t have a purpose to hurt you in 90% of the time, they are just being themselves and they are different from you. Nobody is attacking you, even if it feels like they do. They don’t mean it.
  2. Don’t fire back. Our first reaction naturally will be to defend ourselves by counterstrike. Remember the point #1 and react how you would react if it wasn’t an attack. It will take time to master so don’t kill yourself when you fail, it’s a really touch skill to acquire.
  3. Your mind is very smart. It will protect you and most of the times you won’t provoke discussions on painful subject, cause your mind won’t let you. So do yourself a favor and avoid getting into situations where the subject is the main topic of the event (no cooking shows for me;)
  4. At last I have to mention: be sure that this is your PoLR. Sometimes people say something offensive but if you don’t feel like I described (vacuum in your head and inability to come up with a feedback) thats not PoLR.

So now when we discussed how to act in these frustrating situations, let’s talk about how to train yourself not to get hurt – thats more interesting isn’t it? :)  As we already know it is not easy to study a subject of your PoLR, however in small doses you can train yourself and you can strengthen yourself. The first step is to become aware of what your weakness is. Once you become aware you can control the informational intake on the subject as well as you can be more tolerant to others when they accidentally hurt you because truly it’s not their fault: it’s just the way your mind works against the way their mind works and there is nothing wrong with either of them. To do become aware you need to identify your personality type, and – sorry:) – the bad news is: it’s very difficult to do that by yourself and I will explain why later. In the meantime the good news is that I have a little surprise for you. I will help you to find out your type! I will share all the details in my next post so if you’re interested to learn more about yourself stay tuned!

 

What is your biggest weakness?

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“What is your biggest weakness?” Don’t you just hate this question during the interview? In my head I always have a red siren going on and the voice saying: “Anything you say may be used against you.” Most probably it will indeed be used against you, which is totally unfair. Because your actual biggest weakness is absolutely not what you think it is.

Imagine you wear blue sunglasses and a yellow t-shirt. When you look in the mirror, you will see that your t-shirt is green. Because of the blue filter you will have a distorted perception of colors.

Similar to that we are all wearing “sunglasses” of our socio type. There are certain things which we simply cannot recognize because of that filter. Your biggest weakness is one of them. It’s so weak that you won’t be able to even realize it exists. In socionics it’s called Point of Least Resistance (PoLR). It is an area of knowledge where we are least competent, we cannot make a clear judgement of the situation, evaluate it or produce our own point of view regarding a question in this area. As if it wasn’t miserable enough we also show complete inability to learn anything in this field apart from learning from own experience.

In a way our mind is smarter than we think it is, cause it hides our PoLR from everyone including ourselves. It’s actually awesome, because when somebody hits that spot of yours it is VERY-VERY unpleasant. We all had this experience when we say something and we see the effect like we just punched this person in a gut: he stares at you, opens his mouth but no sound is coming out, he looks lost, disoriented and super uncomfortable. When the sound finally comes out all we can hear is a complete nonsense, some bits of information which are completely illogical, weird and often out of subject. It may be funny to watch, but definitely not funny to feel.

When someone hits your PoLR you feel that you are suddenly completely stoned. You cannot say a word and barely have thoughts in your head, its all just one big cotton ball inside of your head and it makes you very insecure. You feel that you look silly, standing there and not being able to squeeze out at least an attempt of a come back, but cannot do anything with that. The only thing you know for sure is that the person in front of you is definitely unpleasant and you will try to avoid him from now on. Needless to say that if any smallest inquiry on that subject triggers such a reaction, its barely possible for us to learn something in this area of knowledge. To learn you need to discover, to discover you need to dig deeper, once you try to dig your mind says: “OUCH!!!”, you quickly back off and come back to square one.

Because of such intolerance to any thought of that subject we don’t present it as our weakness either. So when asked we will name our second or third weakest function indeed. There we have enough courage to analyze ourselves and conclude that we aren’t experts. We accept and even ask for help in those matters – by the way it can be a marker when we are identifying one’s socio type. People tend to ask for help in 2 areas, which are represented by 5th and 6th functions.

 

In my next post I will talk about what to do when someone hits your weakest spot and whether we can learn to strengthen it.

 

 

 

Choosing a pillow: Sensory VS Intuition

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Let me tell you how you can recognize a weak Sensory function in daily life, a case which I observed a few days ago. I happened to be in a big departments store and there was a couple who was choosing pillows. A man came to a stand with pillows, touched a few, took 2, tried and said: “Im taking this one”. Finished. This illustrates a strong White Sensorial (Si) function for us: person knows exactly whether he is comfortable, if not – knows how to make himself comfortable and he knows exaclty how it should feel.

The lady was different. She came to the stand with pillows and took 3. She went to the nearest bed and tried all one by one. After she finished trying the 3rd one she went back to first one. Tossed and turned a bit. Then she took the second one, did the same and then the third one – again. She tried different positions: on the side, on her back, on another side… She looked uncertain and went back to the stand. She squeezed all pillows with her hands and chose 2 more to try. She tried them on the bed and then went for 3rd round of trying of the first three pillows. By that time a bunch of shop assistants started to accumulate around the bed watching her struggle. In the middle of her crisis she said quite loud: “I dont know which one is comfortable!” Her partner looked confused, like she was saying she didnt know how an apple looked like. She tried “shortlisted” 3 out of 5 fourth time. Then went down to 2 out of 5 and finally she said rather uncertainly: “Okaaay. I think this one”

She is a great illustration of behaviour of a person with White Sencorics (Si) in the Point of Least Resistance (PoLR) – the weakest and the most hopeless function of a person. By that function person cannot make a judgement unless its based on his own experience, cannot find a way out of an unusual situation and cannot really explain any matter regarding this field of knowledge (how she was desperately saying: “I dont know which one is comfortable!”).

We all have a PoLR, any of 16 aspects can be located in there, depending on the socio type. Normally this function is not verbal: means people don’t like to talk about it. In life it means that if person who didn’t study Socionics or psychology tells you that his weakest spot is N, most probably its in Mobilizing (6th) or Suggestive (5th) function, not PoLR – 5th and 6th functions are verbal: people know that they aren’t the best in those areas and they can voice it out.

Knowing one of functions – any – you can easily figure out the PoLR. Or you can always go pillow shopping ;)

 

image: northernvets.com.au

One man’s meat is another man’s poison

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Why we dont like that friend of our friend?

If we know person’s socio type we can predict his relationships with other types. Its not as difficult once you know Socionics and you can do it too. As I mentioned briefly before there are 16 socio types and 16 relationship patterns between those types. Relationships vary from “perfect match” (known as “Duality” in Socionics) to – in my opinion most challenging ones – “Supervision”. So the thing is, as long as your socio types are different with another person, you will perceive people differently. I give you my own examples:

  1. If I was to find a man who would be my Perfect Match my mom would never, ever, ever find a common language with him because for her the relationship to him would be “Supervision” what I called the most challenging ones. Most probably she would tell me how horrible he was, how miserable and hopeless she felt next to him and obviously because he made her so uncomfortable I wouldn’t be able to imagine him becoming a part of the family.
  2.  In the same Supervision relationship is my husband with one friend of mine. They don’t appreciate each other, each of them doesn’t understand how I can be with another one and once they even had a fight – classical scenario, I should have foreseen that. For me, however, the relationships with each of them are equally good from personal and Socionics point of view.

I apologize for giving negative examples. I decided that negative would be more obvious, cause “good” relationships are like 50 shades of good. But once you hate someone its pretty much black and white, isn’t it?

Now how to deal with that?

  • Understand that due to your socio type you are only able to see a certain side of a person, while someone else can see another side:

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In this picture orange square and blue circle on the walls are perspectives of 2 different people (A and B) looking at the same person N. While N has much bigger and more complex personality, due to the angle limitations A and B are only able to see a part of  N. Because from their angle thats all they can see, they have a right to state that what they see is true. None can see the Truth, hence no one of them can judge clearly.

 

  • Don’t fight it. We can not control feelings and can not order ourselves to have a certain opinion unless we genuinely have it. It’s perfectly OK not to like someone. Reduce the communication to minimum and you shall be fine.
  • Listen to your own judgment when it comes to personal likes and dislikes. Remember: one man’s meat is another man’s poison.

In a difficult situation think who is more important to you and stick with that person. In the end of the day its your choice and your life to live, choose your people carefully.

Peace and Love =)

 

PS: I am working on sharing some materials in Socionics menu option on top of the page. All the types, relationships etc I will describe there so it easily accessible at all times. Its still work in progress but something is already there, have a look. Comment if any particular topic interests you – I will write about it!

image: susandunn.cc

 

Socionics. Intro

Point of View

In this blog I am talking about Socionics. Here is what it is and what you personally can get out of it.

Socionics is a study about informational metabolism: the way each of us perceives and processes different types of information. It’s not about intellectual abilities. It studies the phenomenon that one person can absorb certain type of information easily and with interest and some other type of information is perceived as unpleasant and is very difficult to learn. While this is true for one, the same types of information can be regarded totally differently by another person.

You surely noticed that there are certain people you like and get along with easily and certain type of people you can’t stand. Its not a coincidence. Socionics distinguishes 16 types of people (according to their way of processing the information) and all of them have a certain patterns of relationships with each other. Some people we can choose to be close with or vice versa to stay away from them, but there are some people who are hard to avoid. Our parents and children are number one example. Annoying colleague at work or a neighbor can be another one. You name it, we often need to compromise. Many arguments happen because one assumes that if something is clear to him it should be clear to everyone else. Its a wrong assumption and it happens not because people what to hurt each other or are being stupid. It happens because they perceive information differently.

Socionics helps to see how other people are different and gives a tool to improve communication. It answers why some things which are ordinary to you can be sensitive for others. It is also a great tool for self development as it can be your guide to identify and foster the strengths of your personality, as well as to be aware of and protect the weaknesses.

In this blog you can find more information about how to make use of Socionics in daily life and tips on applying this knowledge to improve relationships.

 

Can we plan not to plan?

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There are 2 types of people: those who make plans and those who make it (or screw it up) all last minute. Which type are you and, more importantly, how to survive a relationship if your partner is a complete opposite?

In socionics these 2 types of people are called Rationals and Irrationals and I am going to explain what exactly differs one from another. First of all lets establish that every person plans big things. Like a wedding, moving the house, etc. In the same time we are all known for occasional spontaneous behavior: you just get enough or suddenly decide something and – boom! To understand whether you are Rational or Irrational type, answer 3 questions:

  1. Are you more comfortable or productive when you have a reasonable schedule at work which you have to stick to? (Lets say you have to work from 10 to 6 and if you are done earlier you can leave at 5)
  2. Its Thursday. Do you know what are you doing this weekend?
  3. When you have a big project to accomplish, do you feel more comfortable and productive having deadlines for each stage of that project rather than having 1 deadline when everything has to be done?

If you answer 2 or 3 times Yes – you are most probably Rational type. If No – Irrational.

So the thing is: Rationals need to have a plan and Irrationals cannot have it to save their life. They are much more comfortable to act on the go, according to the situation. Rationals will stick to the plan and if it has to be – they will change the goal. For Irrationals changing the goal is uncomfortable and its easier to change the approach.

In the beginning of relationship you dont pay attention to it, but with time a couple (or business partners or whoever these people are to each other) becomes uncomfortable. One person feels unstable and insecure about future because another one keeps changing the agreements or even refuses to make them saying something like: “Lets just do it and then we will see how”. In the same time another person feels framed and thinks the first one is boring and limited with all his questions like: “Where shall we go for vacation next year?” or “Lets put together the development plan for our business for the next 6 months.” In life those two can be perceived by each other as being stubborn and not flexible. It can be frustrating, but its not the end of the world and actually can be dealt with. This is how.

Step 1:  Admit the difference and understand that another person is not doing it to annoy you, thats the way his mind works, thats all. You may also explain it to your partner, so you are both aware.

Step 2: a) If you a Rational, have a Plan B. And may be C =)  You most probably have it anyways. I would advice not to share your Plan B with your Irrational, cause having 2 different plans can drive him crazy 2 times faster :) Keep it to yourself.

You can also share responsibilities and set the goal (For example: We need to host a dinner. I will be responsible for invitations, entertainment and beverages and you will take care of food. Dinner is on Saturday at 6pm). You need to set the goal though, cause he will less likely change the goal (thats the nature of Irrationals) so he will do his part anyways. Just close your eyes on how he does it and let him deal with his part in his own way. Focus on planning your part.

b) If you are Irrational and you are pushed to plan your actions in future. Say “Ok, I agree to plan. What do you think we should do?” Trust me, before coming to you Rational already had an idea, so you just need to listen. Then say: “Sounds good, let me think what I can add and I will get back to you by next Monday?” You inform him that you will add (read: change) something, so he won’t be too upset when you come up with totally different ideas because both of you PLANNED to add something (get my point? ;)

You can also tell him: “Can we plan not to plan?” It works with small things like what to do this weekend. It sounds funny at first, but indeed it will make him more comfortable rather that you arguing with his plans.

Step 3: Give in from time to time. Not all the time, cause that will depress you, but lets say once a week. Or every 5th time you plan something – its up to you. Rationals: Sky will not fall. Somehow your Irrational has survived until now and he is actually successful in what he does, so sit back, relax and plan something which doesn’t involve him in your head (like to make a pie next week or to make a presentation at work).  Irrationals: Just go with it. Your rational has everything planned and foreseen, and he feels awesome when you agree to follow his plan. Take it as a moment of rest and enjoy things being done for you.