-“You eat a lot!” …BOOM!… he said it. My head got completely empty and I felt like each ear got covered with an empty glass. All I could hear was that dull ringing sound of vacuum filling my head. I stared at him waiting for some other words, something else I could grab on and continue a conversation. But there was nothing. Ha stared back at me most probably wondering what was wrong.
In fact, he didn’t say anything wrong. I was eating a lot, and it was fine. But he hit my “Painful spot” (PoLR) with precision. This is how it feels. Absolutely innocent comment, not even criticism makes you feel lost and helpless like a fish thrown out of water. In my previous post I promised to share how to deal with that, so here we go:
- Accept that people don’t have a purpose to hurt you in 90% of the time, they are just being themselves and they are different from you. Nobody is attacking you, even if it feels like they do. They don’t mean it.
- Don’t fire back. Our first reaction naturally will be to defend ourselves by counterstrike. Remember the point #1 and react how you would react if it wasn’t an attack. It will take time to master so don’t kill yourself when you fail, it’s a really touch skill to acquire.
- Your mind is very smart. It will protect you and most of the times you won’t provoke discussions on painful subject, cause your mind won’t let you. So do yourself a favor and avoid getting into situations where the subject is the main topic of the event (no cooking shows for me;)
- At last I have to mention: be sure that this is your PoLR. Sometimes people say something offensive but if you don’t feel like I described (vacuum in your head and inability to come up with a feedback) thats not PoLR.
So now when we discussed how to act in these frustrating situations, let’s talk about how to train yourself not to get hurt – thats more interesting isn’t it? :) As we already know it is not easy to study a subject of your PoLR, however in small doses you can train yourself and you can strengthen yourself. The first step is to become aware of what your weakness is. Once you become aware you can control the informational intake on the subject as well as you can be more tolerant to others when they accidentally hurt you because truly it’s not their fault: it’s just the way your mind works against the way their mind works and there is nothing wrong with either of them. To do become aware you need to identify your personality type, and – sorry:) – the bad news is: it’s very difficult to do that by yourself and I will explain why later. In the meantime the good news is that I have a little surprise for you. I will help you to find out your type! I will share all the details in my next post so if you’re interested to learn more about yourself stay tuned!